


Thoughts of Love

by nico_niner



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Awkward Tension, Confessions, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nico_niner/pseuds/nico_niner
Summary: Pitts has a crush and doesn't want anyone to know.But everybody knows.Rated M because Charlie.
Relationships: Steven Meeks/Gerard Pitts
Comments: 9
Kudos: 24





	Thoughts of Love

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic ive ever written! feedback is appreciated!!

One of the fun ‘extracurricular’ activities or whatever Hellton decided to label it as was working on the small garden patches in front of the academy’s entrance. Nobody volunteers? Nolan draws names out of a hat.

Four nine foot long flower beds. Four boys.

“How come whenever I require a group of boys, it’s always ones from your group?” Nolan asked.

Standing in front of his desk were Neil, Charlie, Pitts, and Cameron. No one was sure how to answer that.

Charlie didn’t know either, but of course he had to say something, “divine intervention, sir.”

Nolan gave him an eye.

“What is our task, Mr. Nolan?” Neil asked, hoping to prevent Charlie from saying literally anything else.

“You four will be tending to the flower beds in front of the main building entrance every other week on Wednesday. Weeding, watering, etcetera. But this year we need them mulched, so in about two weeks you will help with that.”

Neil looked over at Charlie, who was biting his tongue.

“This isn’t a hard task. Think of it as building character, relieving stress. But keep in mind, you are all still men. Any questions?”

Pitts opened his mouth for a second.

“Good. You are all dismissed. Hager will help you this afternoon.”

They all walked out of his office. Right as the door closed, Charlie let out his pent up protests.

“I have way better ways of ‘ _relieving stress’_. Nolan’s got me fucked up thinking I’m going to enjoy playing in a flower garden.”

“We’re just weeding and watering. It isn’t hard,” Cameron retorted.

“Isn’t there staff for that? Whatever, man.”

Neil looked behind him for a second and saw Pitts walking with his head down.

He snapped his fingers, “hey, something wrong?”

He looked up with wide eyes, “uh… nah…”

Neil slowed his walking to get side by side with him. 

“I saw you tried to ask Nolan something, right?”

“Yeah…” He sighed. “So… all we’re doing is weeding and watering?”

“Weeding and watering.”

His eyebrows narrowed, “okay. Do you think he’ll like, check for proof of us doing it?”

“I don’t know… but don’t get any ideas. He’ll definitely notice if the flowers start dying.”

“Do you think he keeps count of how many flowers there are?”

“Uh… I don’t know… Like every flower? Why are you asking?”

“No reason.”

There was a reason.

-

Meeks was face down on his desk, asleep, when Pitts entered their dorm room. Another all-nighter he pulled studying for Latin.

His best friend. The person he could go to when he needed comfort. The person he’s grown to love more and more over the years.

Pitts walked to his side. He still had his glasses on.

He tried reaching around the sides of his head to get them off without waking him. After a couple of seconds of awkward maneuvering, he got a grip on the arms of his glasses and a hand on his forehead.

Gently, Pitts lifted up Meeks’ head and slid his glasses off in one pull. He celebrated in his head as he placed his glasses to the side and put his head back down with a pat on his hair.

“Cute,” he whispered.

-

The flower beds were ridden with weeds and other plants the guys weren’t even sure existed. They looked as if no one’s touched them in years. Surprisingly, the flowers still stood in bloom.

Hager dumped them at the entrance with several tools and a bucket.

Charlie groaned, “This is pathetic.”

“Let’s get this over with then,” Neil stated.

They all took to a bed and pulled out whatever didn’t look like a flower.

During their time, they had idle conversations; how are you doing in this class? Any plans for the next study group?

Of course, Charlie had to bring up _other_ topics.

“You and Todd been um, hah, getting real ‘roomy’ lately,” he raised an eyebrow at Neil.

“Duh, we’re roommates.”

“Roommates that chase each other in their room while reciting dialogue from plays?”

Neil shook his head with a smile. He looked over to his left to see Pitts, digging fingers into the dirt.

“You know you can just pull at the stems, right Pittsie?”

Pitts looked up, “oh yeah. I know.”

They all gave him concerned looks.

“What kind of flowers are these?” He asked.

“How should I kn-”

“I think pansies,” Cameron cut Charlie off.

“…Cool.”

-

“Now you’ve heard it all about symbolism. White represents purity, black represents evil, blah blah blah. Child’s play. The greatest writers of all time will still use them, they always use symbols. Hamlet, act four scene five, Ophelia-” Keating put on his high-pitched girly voice, “ _rosemary for remembrance, pansies for thoughts, fennel for you some for me_. Ugh, I get nauseous just going over it all over again, and I know you all do too.”

Keating walked in front of Meeks’ desk and placed a hand on it, “just so we can get this unit over with, discuss why she used flowers in the first place. Easy. Begin discussion with your partner.”

Neil turned around to Pitts, who was picking at his fingernails.

“Well?”

“Hm?” Pitts said, not looking up from his fingers,

“Ophelia hands out flowers. Why?”

“Cuz they’re pretty…”

Neil smacked his hands away, “come on man. Focus.”

“Hey, I really don’t know! I know that like, each flower means her feelings or whatever.”

“Have you not been paying attention? She definitely had problems with her love life with Hamlet… and one of the flowers represents her thoughts of love…”

His interest piqued, “which ones?”

“The pansies, you fool.”

Pitts looked down at his desk with wide eyes, as if he had an epiphany.

“Pitts?”

“What a coincidence…” He whispered.

Neil shook his head, “I think the flowers had something to do with her love with Hamlet. She handed them out almost somberly…”

Neil words slowly tuned out of Pitts’ hearing as he looked up. He saw Meeks talking to Hopkins. Talking with his hands, adjusting his glasses every now and then. They always made his eyes look huge. Now that he thought about it, has Pitts ever seen him without his glasses off? Sure he sees him in the locker room without them but he never got a good close up look into his eyes. Like a serious look into them. As if they could contain a galaxy…

He was staring for way too long.

Meeks caught sight of Pitts staring at him, and waved. He snapped out of his train of thought and gave a half-smile and a nod back.

“You have nothing to contribute to this, do you?” Neil sighed.

Pitts held his gaze, “nope.”

-

After today’s classes, Neil and Todd walked down the halls to the library.

“Have you noticed anything different about Pitts lately?” Neil asked.

Todd looked down, contemplatively, “uh… no. Why?”

“He’s been very distracted. Like, during classes he’s just been staring into space and-”

“Oh. He’s just staring at Steven.”

“Why?”

“He has a crush on him,” Todd stated, nonchalantly.

“What?!” Neill grabbed him by the shoulder and stopped them both.

Todd looked up at him, bewildered, “Yeah… erm, yeah… you. You didn’t notice?”

“… no. I didn’t.”

“Yeah, he always has. But recently I think he’s planning on making a move. You really couldn’t tell? The-the days of them spending more time than usual, him getting pretty close to him during lunch…”

Neil felt almost betrayed that Todd didn’t tell him. Did the other guys know this?

“They’ve been friends for years anyways. It was bound to happen,” Todd said as he began walking.

Neil stumbled over himself, “does he know that we know?”

“I don’t think so? You can never really tell what he’s thinking. Should we tell him?”

“… Nah. I wanna see what happens. He’ll get around to confessing soon. He’s a big boy.”

“Well if we don’t, Charlie will.”

Neil stopped in his tracks.

Charlie.

-

Meeks and Pitts’ desks were pushed together in the center of their dorm room, papers and electronics scattered across the surface. They were building something unknown to everyone and probably illegal. Meeks was writing down the required parts as Pitts was breaking apart a receipt printer they found at a thrift store.

Then, enter the catalyst.

“What are you two eggheads working on!” Charlie yelled as he kicked open the door into their room with his saxophone in hand.

Pitts stood up, “Charlie! What the hell!” He walked over to the door to make sure it wasn’t broken. 

Charlie jumped on top of their desks, knocking over some parts, “this better not be a nuclear weapon!” He blew a litany of ugly notes on his sax.

Meeks laughed, “it’s a surprise.” 

Pitts didn’t find it funny. He jiggled the doorknob around.

“So, when’s the wedding?”

Meeks stopped laughing, “huh?”

Pitts froze. Did he know? This was just another one of Charlie’s jokes, right?

“Y’all have been spending _a lot_ … of time together. Pitts, might as well drop on your knee right now, hm?” Charlie teased as he wiggled his eyebrows.

He had to play it cool, “yeah. Reception’s gonna be on the beach. Leave.”

“Can I give the toast?” Charlie grinned as he jumped off of the desk.

“Make it mean something. We’re busy.”

Meeks giggled as he went back to writing.

Charlie walked over to Pitts’ side, “alright, alright. But seriously,” he whispered into Pitts’ ear, “ _y’all need to-"_ he prodded the inside of his cheek with his tongue while making an obscene gesture with his hand.

Pitts choked on his spit.

Charlie patted his shoulder and sashayed out of their room with a flourish of his sax. Pitts closed the door behind him.

“He scraped the strike plate.”

“No one will notice,” Meeks said with a smile.

Pitts walked back to his seat and sat down, resting his head in his hands.

Meeks looked up at him, “we have been spending a lot of time together, haven’t we?”

“Don’t we always?”

“More than usual, actually. I haven’t had a day to myself in a while.”

“Oh, I’m sorry…”

He laughed, “no! I’m not complaining. It makes me happy.”

Pitts felt his face get warm.

They met eyes, almost looking right into each other’s pupils. Pitts practically held his breath. Meeks’ eyes looked as big as usual with his glasses on. But they held an air of curiosity. Almost as if he was trying to figure out what Pitts was thinking...

“Did you get the microchip out?”

“Uh… not yet.” He went back to detaching the printer.

-

Day 2 of tending to the flower beds. There weren’t as many weeds as last time, thank goodness. But the heat of the day was searing the guys’ ears.

Cameron finished his portion of the beds first. As he threw the weeds into the bucket, he looked to see how the others were doing. Neil was almost done, Charlie was fumbling with tools.

Pitts was just about done too. But then Cameron noticed it.

“Pitts! What the hell are you doing?!”

Neil and Charlie looked over to his bed. Several of the pansies were uprooted, their roots set in chunks of dirt. 

Pitts looked up, unbothered, “what?”

“I think you’re overdoing it a bit,” Charlie laughed.

“Dude, Nolan will kill us!” Neil worried.

“Nah I got this. I’ll spread out the other ones so no one will tell.”

Cameron and Neil exchanged looks.

“What are you gonna do with the flowers?” Cameron asked, annoyed.

Pitts pretended to not hear the question.

Charlie walked to Cameron’s side, “you know what he’s doing.” He whispered.

“Oh… right.”

Neil laughed in disbelief.

-

Pitts pulled up to the school entrance with a large paper bag in hand. There, Knox was standing with his hands on his hips.

“You took my bike!”

“Obviously,” Pitts stated. He got off of it and wheeled it to Knox. “Had to make a quick run to town.”

“I reported it stolen! How did you get the lock off?”

“Your passcode is C H R I S dude,” Pitts said as he placed the cord lock in Knox’s hands. He then ran up the steps into the school. Knox looked back at him, dumbfounded.

He changed the passcode to CHRSS.

-

Meeks was walking back to the dorm rooms, proofreading a paper for Todd. As he turned the corner, an arm swung around his shoulders.

“How’s it going, Meeksie?” Charlie asked.

He sighed, “not exactly in my favor. Got assigned extra work for Latin because McAllister thinks I need to prove myself or something, and-”

Suddenly a crash resounded throughout the dorm halls. Everyone looked over or poked their head out of their rooms to Meeks and Pitts’ room.

“Oh no,” Meeks ran over to the room and swung open the door.

“Pitts?!”

Pitts stood near the window, looking down at a broken flower pot with dirt all over the floor. Pansies in chunks of dirt sat on the radiator.

He looked over, “Meeks!” He stumbled over himself as he tried to kick away the pieces of the pot under the radiator.

“Don’t do that! We can clean it up,” Meeks walked over to the mess. Charlie, Neil, Todd, and Cameron all poked their heads into their room.

Pitts tried to subtly shoo them away.

Meeks squatted down to pick up the pieces. As he did, he noticed the pansies.

“Is this for the front entrance gardens?”

“Uh. Erm. Yes- No. Wait yes. I d-ah. Um.”

“I know they aren’t, Gerard,” Meeks stood up. He looked up at him, eye to eye. “They’re for me, aren't they?”

“Wuh-wuh-wuh-what makes you say that?”

He took off his glasses, looking up at Pitts expectantly, “you stammer a lot when you’re flustered.”

Charlie opened his mouth to say something but the guys all covered it.

Pitts looked right into his eyes. The light was reflecting off of them, making them look amber, with a little sparkle. Nothing he’s seen before. Nothing he’s imagined before.

This was his chance. He may never have a moment like this ever again. It was too perfect.

“Steven Meeks.”

“Yes?” He said with a smile.

The guys slowly leaned into the room.

“I love you. I-I-I love you in the way that’s more than just friends. More than a friendship love, yeah. I have for a while. I… uh…” He was floundering with his words at the end. This wasn’t how he imagined the perfect confession would go.

“I know this will potentially ruin our friendship but I couldn’t keep it in anymore and I-”

“I know.”

He froze, “…You know?”

Meeks grabbed his hands that were smeared with dirt, “I’ve known for a while now.”

His brain short-circuited, “wuh… ah-I… What are you saying?”

“I know you like me. I was seeing how long it would take you to finally say something.”

Pitts let out an exasperated breath of air, “wh-wh… why?”

“Because it’s cute. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have dragged it on. But did you think I wouldn’t notice? The days we’ve been spending together? The gazes? Calling me cute when you think I’m not paying attention?”

His face went red.

“I love you, Gerard… In the way that’s more than just friends, too. For the longest time now.”

Meeks locked his fingers in with Pitts’. This was actually happening. He felt the same way too. This whole time.

The air felt thin in his lungs. He could do nothing else but stare into Meeks’ eyes. Those damn beautiful brown eyes he always dreamt of staring into this close. He started to feel bad for making him look up at him for this long.

“Uh…”

“Goddamnit, kiss already!” Charlie yelled. Everyone in the halls looked over their way.

Pitts looked over at the door, seeing Neil and Cameron wrestling Charlie to the ground. Todd waved at Pitts and gave a thumbs up.

“You can be so dumb sometimes,” Meeks grabbed the sides of Pitts’ face and pressed their lips together. It was at that moment he realized he didn’t know how to kiss. He just followed along with Meeks’ movements. 

Meeks couldn’t contain himself, he was smiling the whole time. Their teeth clacked awkwardly from the laughter they let out. But they weren’t complaining. It was a liberating feeling. Like the pressure of the world instantly melted. No one else was around except for them.

After what felt like hours, they pulled away from each other. Meeks reached back in though to kiss him on the nose.

“I have to stand on my toes to kiss you like this,” he laughed.

“Oh sorry…”

“Stop apologizing! I’m not complaining,” he looked over at the pansies. “We gonna buy another flower pot?”

Pitts smiled, “yeah. Sure.”

-

In the student lounge that night, the guys were altogether studying for trigonometry. Meeks and Pitts sat together, arms touching, Meeks leaning his head onto Pitts’ shoulder every now and then.

“It’s about time, you two,” Charlie said, clasping his hands behind his head. “Now I want you two in bed before 9, okay? No late-night debauchery.”

Knox then walked into the lounge, “hey guys.”

“Where have you been?” Neil asked.

“Nolan’s. Had to tell him my missing bike-” he shot a look at Pitts, “was a false alarm.”

Pitts shrugged.

“Then I got held up in his office for questions. Someone _stole_ flowers from flower beds at the front of the school. Why would anyone do that?”

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: gerardpittsie


End file.
